Because
Because at the heart of it, I am probably a narcissist. These are my private thoughts, and yet I am spewing them into cyberspace for all to comsume.
Because writing things down has always made them more real, and more palpable for me, and yet to write them in a journal leaves open the chance that my posterity may one day read these words too and I am not sure that is what I want.
Because I feel pulled in a thousand directions at once and I am not sure who I am anymore on most days and then I feel incredibly guilty because- really?
There are people out there with real problems.
Not me with my healthy, yet obnoxious at times kids, who don't sleep for crap. Or my husband who is on of the good ones. He doesn't go to the bar after work, goes to church with us on Sunday. Likes to spend tile with us. Unless football, basketball, baseball, hockey, the Olympics, an onl Kung Fu Movie, or midget wrestling is on, then we are hosed. Forget about it.
Because I started having panic attacks a month ago. I can't breathe, and I don't know why. Because I can't sleep. Because I feel self indulgent and whiney for typing all of this, but mainly because mainly I am not alone. I can rant, and I can rave (certainly there are things that deserve a heart felt rave!) but I won't have to do it alone.
Care to join? Or do you just want to slap me and tell me the same: "Woman, there are people in the world with real problems!"
You decide.
About Me
- The "good enough mother"
- Western, United States
- I am a clinical social worker who fought an extraordinarily long and difficult fight to have children only to find that I am quite ambivalent most days about my decision to stay home full time. Doing this right, being a good mother, a fun mother, is the most important thing to me, and yet I am wracked with mommy guilt, I feel like I have lost a fundamental part of me that I can't go on living without. Can I settle for the notion that kids don't need a perfect mother, but the "good enough" mother, and can I pull out of this isolated funk that NO ONE talks about before my kids really do notice my insecurity and neurosis? My hope is that there are others in my same boat, who need support, but don't know where to get it, or are too afraid to ask. It is only in the light of day that problems are solved (or in the light of anonymous cyber space, but whatever). So, I will allow anonymous comments, unless they become rude and/or disrespectful, and then everyone will need to log in with a username. I hope people will enjoy this as a safe haven!
